How to fix a slow computer

1) Turn on computer, wait for 5 minutes to bring up any program.
2) Google what could be wrong "slow computer"
3) Call a computer place, download (more) virus and spyware programs, run them, notice slight difference.
4) Yell at computer, say things you will regret, and threaten to punch it in the screen
5) Reboot, hoping it will magically fix itself
6) Back to Google. While waiting for it to load, go for a run. When you get back, page is almost up.
7) Determine this is fate telling you not to apply to grad school
8) Ctrl Alt Delete
9) Notice CPU is running at 100%, don't know what that means, google will tell you.
10) Apparently that is not good. Find out why. More google.
11) Bring up faulty program, uncheck a box, reboot.
12) Computer works like new.

Note: Due to slow computer this process might take a month or so. You may have to repeat steps 1-9 many times. Or you could take said computer to a computer person and pay a lot of money, and save a lot of time for them to uncheck that box.